1. |
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Ten dollar words, italics in places, no walls of text, (he's kind with spaces).
He lives among places that I can barely pronounce.
Same musical taste as my ex-girlfriend, so it shouldn't be hard for him to find a girlfriend
Full of whimsy and a giant heart for sure.
Stumblewest, you don't seem like you're stumbling at all.
You've got more grace than that 8-bit dude jumping over alligators in that Atari game Pitfall.
In role-playing games, he's really brave. At 23 he wants a princess to save.
He'll slay a dragon and then take her to outer space
where they'd marvel at the beauty of stars because from whence we came can't really be that far.
He probably gets good gas mileage in his car.
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2. |
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There's a great big bird in the sky!
We keep him in our hearts as he flies so high!
As scary as Halloween, as loud as fireworks on the 4th of July!
He travels far and wide through computers
to find the sad and lonely their respectable suitors!
We send them courting messages with supporting evidence
but they may never reply.
OKCupid, I submit myself to the misery.
Of finding someone to sing to a perfect harmony
or hang out at night, eat pizza and watch TV
and maybe one day fall in love with me.
The color of my dot or the size of my spirit
Stale-to-steal breaks a deal before it's negotiated.
So don't be sad on Valentine's Day,
the great bird Cupid will see you get a date!
There's 26 profiles in these songs
and if there's someone you like, we'll pass it along.
Because we are all masochists.
Love is hell, but we still wanna put ourselves through it.
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3. |
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Radioactive, cybernetic.
Heads will spin and you won't forget
about her any time soon.
Her hair is like a wildfire.
She doesn't read books about vampires.
Her emerald eyes will instantly make you swoon.
Radiumgirl, you're so volatile
we tremble in fear of when you explode.
Death, destruction and nuclear snow
and piles and piles and mountains
and piles of loads of human bones.
She loves her movies bloody and gory.
Heart sunglasses? That's a story I've heard many times before.
Nabakov he told it well, attraction sends us straight to Hell,
if it's not in the purest of forms.
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4. |
Wonderful and Sweet
01:54
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She falls in love with song
I can't find anything wrong
(If you do you're crazy).
Iced coffee and an instrument
a camera and some of her friends
and super powers she keeps secret.
A homebody, that's where the heart
resides and I keep a spark
Deep inside where I believe it
Blooms and grows like a tree,
like the wind carries the leaves,
I'll carry your love with me
Like a Jujube, wonderful and sweet.
Like a Jujube, a classic confectionary.
My Jujube, wonderful and sweet; my Jujube.
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5. |
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There was once a girl in Chicago,
leather jacket tons of bravado.
Brains and beauty, she'd see right through me,
but it's worth it to try.
Send a message, respond selectively,
Life Aquatic "I'm gonna fight you, Steve."
She sees the beauty in the world around her,
a precious commodity.
Are you afraid of
finding whatever it is that you're looking for?
I can't believe you already haven't.
Clichés and coffee dates
all sound so unbelievably uninteresting
My crush on Neve Campbell
still transcends just about everything.
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6. |
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Parth, the mighty warrior, a journalistic sorcerer, writing articles and information
Hark! Could you be the one that saves the information age with the finest journalistic integrity?
Your heart is bigger than a pizza and I can see it in your eyes, you radiate love and light.
And you're smart. Smarter than a physicist with a brain that might dead lift roughly the mass of the planet
And you're wiser than your years
and the Eagles always bring you tears
(I can understand, I'm a Redskins Fan)
But next season looks better for us at least
And I'd like to say that you don't have a chance at NFC East.
Parth, the mightiest warrior,
tell me what it is you're looking for
and we will find it together.
I'll be your cybernetic wingman when
you meet your futuristic girlfriend
and you'll be happy forever.
Parth, I love you, and I just want you to be happy
and have someone who loves you as much as I do.
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7. |
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From another planet with tomato throwing antics,
paper clipping, double dipping in blue cheese.
Professionally napping, pretty girl in wrapping,
you're lovely and I don't believe in leagues.
Splendid isolation summons divine invocations
to keep in touch with yourself spiritually.
Goddess of Tomatoes, harness powers until they know
your mighty wrath and all your greatest mercy.
And smite them down. Don't spare the seeds
because you're the goddess that we all need.
Friendly, interesting and full of wild dreams.
And Bloody Mary doesn't compare,
and tonight I'll say my prayers to
the Goddess of Tomatoes before I go to sleep.
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8. |
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CMCBK, with a heart like a warmest summer
I can remember every day I'd play outside with my friends.
And I think it's safe to say, you're wonderful and you'll be ending winter soon.
Basking in the rays, running in marathons, and if you join in a relay
we can partner up, I'm not that fast, but I can keep a steady pace,
and I'll run beside you every day.
I clicked on your profile and said "Holy moly
I love you more than you love guacamole."
And though I'm not between ages 30 and 40
I'd still try to holler at you, shorty.
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9. |
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He's full of life and danger excited to meet complete strangers.
Motorcycle gangs and overalls in the same weekend.
And modesty isn't his nickname, he's done all but damn other brand names.
Self-proclaimed and reviewed, he's a little bit shrewd but it's part of his game
And I believe that he's just a free spirit
loving and living his life like he's never ever, ever feared it.
And he's a real big proponent of the ellipsis,
and he swears that gives the world's best kisses.
He wants a companion for bike trips
someone that doesn't mind getting chapped lips
He's seen it all and he's in love, I wish I was too.
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10. |
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Your eyes and your smile penetrate through
visitors, adventurers and general inquisitors.
You see the beauty in the world around you
connecting, analyzing, and dissecting everything you do.
Because you are lady of the Earth
and you care for its mother for all she's worth
The geological and philosophical and diabolical
are all direct concerns of yours.
You sing at the top of your lungs
You stay in on Friday where you have the most fun.
Talking to rocks, what do they say?
"I'm a rock. I can't talk." is probably what I'd come to expect.
Because you are a lady of the Earth
and you care for its mother for all she's worth.
The geological and philosophical and diabolical
are all direct concerns.
The astrological and philosophical and metaphysical
are all indirect concerns.
The mathematical and sabbaticals and political radicals
are not concerns of yours.
The pharmaceuticals and office cubicles and movie musicals
are not your biggest concerns.
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11. |
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In the depths of eccentricity
lies a man made of electricity.
He'll tell you about himself
and leave a little room for someone else.
And he's thoughtful, (always thinking)
sarcasm, unrelenting.
Hyper connected to the neural network
He'll fix your computer if it all of a sudden doesn't work
BarelyMelodic, though you love to sing
(or at least sacrifice yourself willingly to a karaoke death ring)
Ass like a diva, heart full of napalm,
and if I hear you rush me one more time, you can write your own goddamn song.
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12. |
PGPKey for Cutie
02:42
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An army of t-shirts at his disposal
"Let's go on a sweet date!" his modest proposal.
He's got all of them on specific rotation
Madmen and Firefly send him into elation.
His six things are boring so I'll make some up now.
He needs lasers in his life and milk from a chocolate cow.
An ocean of jelly beans, his own personal water slide,
a giant sword would be pretty sweet, oxygen, and the number five.
His favorite band's Death Cab, he plans to learn these songs with chords
He deciphers both Codes and Keys on Narrow Stairs when he gets bored.
He'll travel by folding a map of what Sarah's Summer Skin Said.
He really sees you upside down like Brothers on a Hotel Bed.
He wants to kite board but it seems more like a pipe dream
He wants to know your favorite molecule,
(he's a little less weird than that would seem.)
He likes to talk a lot. He's quite the sesquipidalian.
PGPKey XKCD comic reader of every nerd babe's dreams.
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13. |
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In the heart of the desert, she endures the driest weather
and the Interstate 5 is full of packed up cars.
And she is cheerful and empathetic. If she hurt a fly she'd soon regret it
(a quality more precious than gold).
Maid extraordinaire with some extraordinary flair,
what are you doing here?
Getting cozy with adenofthieves and he'll stay with you
if you believe in love like I do.
Dinosaurs and daisies too spend a lot of time thinking about you
and they won't stop for any reason whatsoever.
ArcadianWhimsy with an arcane spark,
you conjure up a spell and send it to my heart
and I'll be hopeless infatuated forever.
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14. |
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He lives in a cave, he hasn't yet discovered fire.
He's sarcastic, weird and brave; in unison with his own choir.
And he'll be the first be saved from the cybernetic infusion
when they put our brains in a cage to feed us a new illusion.
Books and microphones, he sings about what he is reading
and he's meta down to the bone (some find it intimidating).
And he'll take it a bit too far. He exhales outer space and he breathes in stars.
And when he's high entropy is pretty confusing.
And I can't think about
what we're doing here.
(Is it all completely meaningless?)
And I claw my own brain out
when I try to solve the puzzle in a universal bubble.
And is there anything after this?
Or should I even try to kiss the soft skin on your shoulders?
Or should I wait until we're about to die? Become part of the sky
wishing I was just a little bolder?
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15. |
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I'm not sure what kind of internet connection they've got in heaven,
but I think angels are on OKCupid and her profile is evidence.
So pure and loud like an amplifier on eleven screaming it out
in harmony, and she's just as sweet as Arizona iced tea.
And grammar is a priority,
if you wanna get with her you best know the difference
between your, you're and yore,
(and don't you dare end sentences on prepositions.)
and she'll think about you when she's not about her college decisions
and she's never seen Star Wars,
and that's just kinda one of my disqualifications.
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16. |
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Deep at the bottom of the ocean, broing out with Neptune and Poseidon
he made an account so he could find some new best friends.
Because he's already got himself a lover
and he proclaims that he doesn't need another
and it's lame that you can't find friends at the bottom of the sea.
And Sidonis, a legendary creature, world traveled and mystical.
He's been everywhere from Costa Rica to Istanbul.
So if you're an enchanting creature living in the heart of Japan,
send him a message and be his new best friend.
But he's got a heart like an elephant, a terrible metaphor but you get what I meant (even more terrible because it's actually a simile).
He loves computers and the Internet,
he's the tallest person that he's ever met.
The children run in fear when they see him on the streets.
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Tanner Turner Baltimore, Maryland
Tanner Turner is a mythical beast from the quiet suburbs of Baltimore, Maryland. When the moon is full and his heart is heavy, he calls upon strangers, happenings and feelings found in cyberspace and beyond to craft delicious pop masterpieces, sloppily recorded, full of noise and human error for you and your best friends and family and anyone else you might know to enjoy. ... more
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